the Climb

Now i'm not a miley cyrus fan or anything.. but i do appreciate a lot of what this song is saying. right now i have deep personal problems.. and every day feels like the biggest uphill battle to stay positive and smile and pretend that everything is ok. it isn't, but it will be.. tho perhaps not for a while.

in the mean time, all i can do is fight the good fight and be strong for myself because nobody can do that for me. luckily, i have the boys of 2pm and 2am to keep my spirits off and take my mind off my own life. yay for the simple joys and distractions of life. <3

NSU

What a ride it has been... 4 years went by in the quickest of flashes and I find myself having just returned from my last NSU event. Banquet was beautiful and I was so proud of all of my New Staff bebes. I didn't cry at the event though, it just seemed so surreal... We got our sashes, had our senior skits and slide shows, and i freakin got staffer of the year!!!! :O z'ooooomg.

i don't even have the brain power right now to make this even vaguely eloquent, but the highest praise of the night came from my other half:

i'm really proud of you Vanessa
you made an impact and influence on all of their lives
we all talk about craig
but they will all talk about you

i could not have received a more gracious compliment =]

wei shen me

i am getting the crap kicked out of me by life. In every single facet and sphere of my life, i am getting the stuffing knocked out of me.

it just hasn't been my quarter to catch a break. sigh.

tokidoki

sometimes i worry that i might fall for you again.

waking-up

i guess i knew there would be a day coming soon when i would wake-up and realize that nothing had ever been real.

Optimism

How optimistic are you allowed to be before you are considered blind and unrealistic?

Despite all that has happened and the way that it all turned out.. i can't help but feel a little positive, as if there is still a very small ray of hope shining on me from behind a sky that is otherwise filled with gloom and doom.

i can't help but feel that at the end of the day, everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.. and who knows, it might turn out better than i could ever have expected it would.

Overtime, I can only hope that my small ray of sunshine will grow bigger until it overtakes the clouds in the sky and it becomes a beautiful day.

good advice to live by.

"its also good you guys arent rushing into anything because that tends to lead to doom"

short, sweet, simple and to the point. haha

well that just made my day

Toshi

so yeah i just wanted to

let u know

that i appriciate everything you do for us

:):)

----
This is just about the cutest message ever. it made me so happy, and I actually got quite a few of these regarding ski trip and it makes me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. like all the time i spend on NSU doesn't go to waste, and makes other people happy. AHHHHH satisfaction. ^_^

you're my exception

I just saw the movie He's Just Not That Into You. I had heard it was a cute movie, and I started watching it, not really sure what to expect. I thought maybe a romantic comedy or something. Yes, there were funny parts, but it was such a true and real story about these women, these men, and their love lives or lack there of.

Everything is always so much more complicated than you think it is. It was such an interesting movie, and I cried like 3 times. From happiness, from sadness. I really recommend you watch it.

It doesn't tell you that a fairy tale prince is waiting for you. It doesn't tell you that all men are douche bags. It just tells you to believe and hope, and I thought the frank honesty... that sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't... was so refreshing. It makes you feel so much more positive about whatever may or may not be happening.

Yay. =]

Life.

Well isn't that just kick you in the crotch spit on your neck fantastic.

I won't go into deeper detail, but no it wasn't that bad. I just feel a little sad and blue is all.

I HATE MY NEIGHBORS D:<

OMFG. it is 3.30am and they are fucking playing the loudest shit ever. they started like an hour ago. WTF. WTF WTF WTF. it is FREAKING 3.30 IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING!!!!!!


ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?!?!? DIE. die die die die die. ughhhhhh

PS YOU SUCK AT SINGING!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

shaking fists of eternal rage

UGGGGGGH. i just feel so fucking frustrated today. i just got my grade back from a midterm and i feel like i have hit an academic wall. like literally, ran into it headlong and busted my head open.

my god.

i don't feel like its really related to CN either.. i have restrategized more than once about how to take on my classes this quarter and i'm still getting freaking raped on all my assignments and tests. UGH!!!! Like attempt one i just ran straight into the wall. attempt two was going to hella office hours and trying to sneakily climb over the wall, but i still failed.

UGH. time to RESTRATEGIZEEEEEEEE!!!!!

lol i'm just ranting because i am mad. i also hate people in my class. like hearing their voices and the things they say actually causes me like physical pain. YOU ARE NOT THAT SMART. TALKING DOES NOT MAKE YOU SEEM SMARTER. SHUT THE HELL UP.

SKLD:GJSIOTUASLEKTJALETKJLASETKJSDLGJET.

that's all.

blessed

Now, I'm not a religious person by all means, buuuuut I do have to say that despite all that I feel particularly blessed today.

I am exhausted from 2 half day rehearsals, and I know everybody else is too.. and yet, i still have friends that ask me if they can do anything to help, even though they are just as tired as i am, have midterms, homework... =] it just makes me feel so warm and happy inside. and so supported too.

i think that's been really important for me right now; as stressed out and frazzled as i am, i feel better after spending time with friends, going out to korean bbq, having a kickback.. it feels good. and i know i am doing alright.

we still have 2 weeks, and it's going to be a very long (but short!) 2 weeks indeed...

NSU Cultural Night

Hi everyone!!! (for the 6 of you who actually read my blog haha)

Please visit the website for UCLA's Nikkei Student Union CN!!!

www.nsuculturenight.com

If you can donate, please do so. If you can recommend the site to others, please do so. If you can come, by all means, do so. =]

i miss you all!!!

A Sudden Rush of Impending Doom..

It seems to happen every break... where you're fooled by an impossibly glorious span of 3 week vacation time. Somehow time bends and folds and slowly creeps forward while simultaneously springing to an end faster than i can bat my eyelashes (which probably isn't that impressive since i can't bat them at all really...) I can't even really remember what it was that I did either.. though I must have done something because here we are and it's already Jan 3..

But I digress.

As I was saying, all of a sudden it's back to school in less than 48 hours and I'm starting to freak out just a little bit. Naturally at the beginning of break I felt I had an infinite amount of time to look for jobs, to work on CN, to sew teko and hapi... Of all that, I think i accomplished about 30% of what I had wanted to... epic fail x200. My efforts at looking for a job were depressing and pretty much spirit crushing. CN has been put on hold, and I've sewn so much I just want to drop kick my fucking sewing machine out the window. Whoever designed hapi coats needs to burn in hell; Cand, I completely forgot how awful it was to sew all that nonsense. UGH.

In a few days, I will be back at UCLA, and I will be near crushed to death with the weight of everything that I decided to take on for this year. Sometimes I wonder why I always try to do so much. I know I'll be able to do it, but I can't help but think I might be masochistic in a way. Honestly. CN and New Staff. Job Hunting (EVIL!) Graduating... DAHHH ....... and.... ..... errr.... SO i completely lost track of the whole point of this post, but I guess the main idea is that I'm losing the intoxicating happiness associated with the holidays and finally coming back down to earth, only to realize everything is probably going to implode in T-minus 48 hours.

Splendid.


PS. Cand I have been watching dramas non-stop all break. I LOVE COFFEE PRINCE!!! :D and Hana Yori Dango.
PSS. Megan I read that whole Twilight series (I am embarassed and hang my head in shame)... but I sort of liked it. o_O Cand, you like dramas, I think you should read them too!