If only I was a real happy dancing robot...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

confused

some how, months and months later you still confuse me.

no not you... you. i'm pretty sure you have no idea what you did to me... i can barely comprehend it myself. but somewhere, deep in my heart and in my head, you dance just out of my reach, frustrating me.

やめて。。やめてください。

いつか?

Monday, November 17, 2008

TRL?!?!?!

omg TRL is over!? end of an era.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

asanine is such a good word

idk why i thought about it randomly... i don't even have a comment, as in "did you hear so and so say ____? What an asanine thing to say." hahaha i just think its amusing =]

on an up note to an otherwise abysmal sort of emotional sewer, i had a really good past few days. Monday was the most amazing day at work that I've had in absolute ages (omg leftovers and a 15 minit close. AMAZING. truly.) and then i had a sleepover with karen =] and of course a day off and shopping with steph! and heartening late night conversations with friends restored my dwindling faith in my self-confidence.

i feel good right now. and i'm glad. because i have been feeling shitty. hooray!

(OH YEAH! and i got the HSM3 SOUNDTRACK!!! :3 its so cheerful and it makes me happy) the end.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Change.

It is coming, it is here. And I am ready. =]

I'm so proud to have been a part of this, so proud to have been able to express my opinion, and so proud to have been able to speak my mind. I applaud McCain for a very gracious speech, and I am so excited for what is to come.

Here's to you, Mr. President, Mr. Barrack Obama.

:D

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

If somebody asked you to say who you were, what would you say?

Identity and Me.

Things I Like: Friends, food, seeing family, playing taiko, dancing, having fun

Things I dislike: People who lack common sense. People who are lazy or stuck up or elitist bastards. Oh yeah, and scary movies and caterpillars.

What makes me happy? Friends, singing in the car at the top of your lungs, bright colors, seeing old friends.

What makes me angry? Ignorant people... just see dislikes.

Who am I? I am a girl. A 21 year old Chinese-American who is immersed in the Japanese-American community. I am a good friend and a leader. And also a little bit of a control freak. I am a romantic, I love Disney movies and Disneyland. I am silly.

--

This was an exercise we ran in New Staff today (courtesy of Liz!) and I really enjoyed it. We talked about core values, and my top five were (in alphabetical order) Family, Friendship, Hardwork, Loyalty and Trust. It makes me laugh when Karen and I joked how values like Peace and Tolerance got left behind things like Competence and Creativity in my rankings. We were also told to illustrate ourselves and how these top 5 values fit us and why.



Hardwork (sweatband): I am a firm believer in working hard, whether its sweating at KCH (and heaven knows I do that almost every day it seems) slaving away over homework and studying, or working to make the things I care about better. I love the feeling of satisfaction and achievement, and I love the passion that drives it.

Friendship (arms): Made for hugging, I believe that friends are always there to support you through thick and thin. To laugh with you when you have great times (like running into a screen door) or to sit with you while you cry until your heart breaks.

Family (heart): home is where the heart is... it gives me the warm and fuzzies, and i appreciate my family and all they have done for me the older i get. They love me no matter what, and always push me to do my best.

Trust (ground): The foundation to any relationship; stability. Before you achieve any other elements, you need a strong basis and something to keep you rooted and steady.

Loyalty (head): Unquestionable. Unswerving. Steadfast and consistent. Whenever somebody betrays my loyalty it cuts me so deep I can hardly bear it. Easy to gain, but twice as easy to lose.

Enjoy my drawing. =]

Monday, September 29, 2008

my inner demons

So many changes have been happening in my life recently. Its been hard adjusting, and I feel like I'm being swept away down a fast moving stream, and I can barely get a foot hold and take charge of certain aspects of my life.

I feel like I am keeping myself busy, and just relaxing and enjoying myself, but at the same time I still feel lonely. Things are changing, and that's ok, and its for the best... but I guess nothing could have ever prepared me mentally for the repercussions I would feel.

I know I'm strong, and that I'll be ok in the end, but knowing that doesn't really change the way I feel or make it any easier. It's just a difficult upward climb that I have to get through.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Midnite Snacks and Chats

I just had one of those moments; it reminded me of the time when I first heard my mother say a curse word. It was on the ride home from my Syracuse interview in Baltimore. I was so surprised just because she, unlike me, does not curse like a sailor and pepper her speech with well chosen swear words.

Tonite we had a midnite snack chat.. although it was a sort of trap more than anything else. Whenever she feels the need to impart me with pearls of wisdom (although I'll be the first to admit that she does on occasion have some very smart and sensible things to say) she gets me while we have a nibble before bed. She wanted to talk to me about my resume, and from there it evolved into a talk that was about direction in life, what do you want to do with yourself, your career.. that kind of deep probing conversation. And it was in this conversation that I realized (rather self-centeredly I suppose) that she did in fact have a life and career of her own before she had her children.


I'm glad that she is not too worried about me though, she just wants to make sure I'm happy in whatever it is that I do. While the conversation scared the shit out of me, I still feel that warm and fuzzy feeling because my mom cares enough about me to bother me and harass me about all these things so that I can succeed.

Now if I only I got to work on that resume...

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Good to be back

Wheeeeew it's been a while! I was MIA all last week because i was in DC (w00t!!) for the national OCA convention. Quite the adventure I must say.

From the longest journey by plane i have ever taken (well.. it was long because i've never been overseas so i guess not REALLY long... but long enough) and then some visits with family =] and then off to the salt mines as my mother always says. Wed was day 1 in the dungeon, my own personal pet name for the office. schedule schedule schedule.. if i totaled the hours i spent working on that devilish excel sheet, i think it would exceed 24 hours, no joke. we also (awkwardly) met the other interns... *pause as a giant starfish zooms out of the pacific ocean, across the continental united states, to grab on to my face* there were 18 of them, and it was super intimidating because they had all been buddy buddy for nearly 10 weeks. outcast city!!!! hahaha oh well. it was funny, at one of the really early meetings, katherine (one of the other LA interns, karin was the 2nd) and i sat down first.. and as everybody filed in, they literally left an aisle around us... we were an isolated island!!! =(

but anyways, Thurs was day 2... got to experience the college program that Rachel put on. she was an intern with APIA vote, and they led a good workshop about how to mobilize your own orgs on campuses as well as the importance of voting and etc etc. i learned that away ballots are not always counted... which is utter bull-shit. and something i had no idea about. RANDOM!? Friday was about the same... more workshops.. there was a really good one about women in the API community (i saw priscilla from the DC napawf which was cool.. and the prof from UVA was a very very good panelist, so that was cool)... -- on a side note, the arctic ice separating katherine and i from the other interns is slowly thawing... starting to have some good times and laughs -- we also went to the smithsonian for a reception (it was the new native american museum) that was pretty fun. it's one of the only museums i've never been to in DC before... a bus tour of the monuments... sat was more of the same, and at nite we had a gala dinner... that was fun, arthur dong (the same one from hann li's blog!) was an honoree, and he had the most adorable little son. jhoon rhee was another honoree who is a grandmaster in tae kwon do.. he was hilarious. his acceptance speech consisted of this random joke... that didn't really make sense/pertain to the award.. and it just seemed like something a grandpa would say, and then afterwards you would just reply "oh grandpa...." hahaha

all in all, despite the disparities between what i thought it would be like, and what it actually was, i was pleased with the experience. i did get to meet the interns and strike up friendships (THANK GOODNESS. i honest to god doubted my socializing ability (THE VERY ESSENCE OF MY I-STATUS!!!) that first day. i talked to craig about it for over an hour and was very distressed). i was surprised that it seemed kind of disorganized/not all staffers were on the same page, but it turned out well in the end. i loved a lot of people on the national staff, they were funny and sweet and all pretty easy to get along with. there were a few characters that i could have done without (either fake socialite beauty queens or crabby bull frogs) but on the whole it was great.

sorry this post wasn't as witty as normal, basically just a brain dump of the convention experience. on the way home, kath and i sat together and all we talked about from dulles to chicago was the conference, what we liked, didn't like, who we liked, didn't like... so cathartic. to top it off, i had monday off (tho i worked on the LEAP project for a lot of it) and then got to play with the interns at nite!!! i was so happy, i hadn't seen them all week, and seeing all the close-knit DC interns made me miss my own lia posse even more. ^_^v


PS. today was awesome because to reward ourselves for a well-done convention, clara and i went to go get manicures an pedicures. FABULOUSSSSSSS XD hahaha it was fun. the end!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Moronic Individuals.

So today was another field trip lunch at OCA... we went to a place called Panini Cafe on 9th St (it was delicious, but that's not what this is about) and we were talking about a grant that we had been trying to get from Group W. (anonymous... the w stands for wanker. ... am i allowed to say that?) My boss got a call from somebody with the group, and they said "I'm sorry, we aren't funding any Asian American groups right now. Because we don't know enough about it, and don't want to make any mistakes."

Now, if this wasn't my LEAP blog, I would use a host of colorful and remarkably explicit choice phrases and exclamations to describe how I felt about this comment... however, seeing as its LEAP I have to keep it PG.. Lets just say that I can't believe the imbecilic and completely inane things that people still say these days.

I guess I'll have to leave it at that and let your imaginations run wild with my rather large vocabulary of fanciful expletives.

Friday, July 18, 2008

LEAP Gala

The Gala was a pretty crazy extravagant event, I must say. Scott was never really able to convey the crushing crowds, explosion of silent auctions or vastness of a tabling nightmare.

It was a very impressive event, albeit intimidating. All the interns were split up, which I think was a good and bad thing. Personally, it was a little hard to socialize at my table; everybody was familiar with each other from work, and it was difficult to cut (*makes cutting motion with hands, fatima style*) into a conversation. Especially when they were droning on and on about work or whatever. When they did give me 30 seconds of their time, it seemed like they were looking right through me and into the stripey-giraffey-pink colored chair I was sitting on. They looked right through everything that I've achieved and ever done. I was a nobody, and they made me feel that way. Actually, that's unfair. A few people were kind to me and made a point to introduce themselves and ask a few questions. But I did get the icy feeling from a few, and it got me to thinking about what their first impression of me might have been. It also made me very aware of how certain people make distinguishes in the way they treat each other. They were pretty distant and cold to me, but very animated with talking to a well-known fellow who sat at my table. All I can say is that you should be kind to everyone.. who knows, one day i'll be the bigger person, and maybe i'll see right through you. through your blank eyes, cold smile, and boring demeanor.


anyways. sorry i went off on the tangent. while some people were offsetting (haha to say the least...) i did have a great time. many of the speakers were inspiring and great to listen to (especially our key note speaker duy-loane le!!!!!! SHE WAS AMAZING!!!! and very sweet!) and I got to see a lot of familiar people from the community. i was very surprised and greatly pleased that brian takeda of the nikkei federation remembered me. i probably would not have been able to pick him out from a hole in the wall, but i must have met him through NSU in the near past... so that was a very exciting moment. See Mean Person from Table ## (aka my table), I am rememberable and worth something!

SHOWED YOU!!!!!!


also. i was very happy i got to take home so many pretty centerpieces... haha ^_^v thanks hann li and kirstie for helping me take so many!!! (PS christable i hope your mom likes all the orchids you got for her!)

oh yeah!! (so many things i'm remembering.. it was such a long day) the interns and i had basically a free day and ran around with our pants off. .... so to speak. =] we went to the MOCA which was an epic fail (we basically waited around 30 min outside the door in the shade waiting for it to open... only to realize there was no exhibit currently on display. lol) so we saw the mike shinoda & ikebana exhibit at JANM. that was really fun. we made the worst group ikebana ever. and we also took lots of fun jumping pictures outside. =] (PSS hann li/fatima can you send them to me?)

i love my fellow interns =] i'm so happy i get to see them tomorrow too, instead of waiting until next week!!! :D

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

he shall be my squishie.

baby fishie i've been workin on for the invitation design for work... =]






















strange... he was def orange....? o_O

my new slogan

the other day i attended an info meeting with clara for this mentorship program hosted by the AAPA... and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

everyone there was on the older side.. "my name is so and so and i have been working at Southern California Edison for over 20 years" ..... Uh you have been working there longer than I am old. Great. So I got there before Clara and went inside by myself... and was scared to death. everybody was older and i knew nobody. i just prayed that i wouldn't be so nervous i'd pee myself or forget my name. after i got food i sat with the youngest looking people i could find... thinking maybe they were in their 20s. ahhhh the deceptive youthful faces of asians. they were 30 something. oh well, they were actually OCA board members so I was in good company and got to meet people i saw yesturday at the board meeting.

anyway. the point of the matter is that my old mantra made no sense ("showed you" courtesy of scott chan) AND SO!!! i came up with a new one.

I am going to be the I that I know I am.




PS. (I refering to that DISC thingy.. i don't even remember what the I stood for besides dolphins...)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

dimsum with clara

after a long week, we took a break from work and went out to dimsum, just clara and i. we went to a new place in chinatown (or atleast new because i had never been there), and i loved the familiarity of the atmosphere. it was fun having one on one time because we got a chance to talk about careers and the pros and cons of going corporate vs non-profit, and what possibilities i would have after i graduated next year. since she has been on both sides, she shared the ups and downs for both and gave me lots of food for thought. on the drive home, she said something which i really really liked.

"everyone has a novel in them. its just whether or not you choose to write it."

i wonder what the next chapter in my novel will be..

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

beepbeep

So much has been happening recently at work! I'm starting my second full week at OCA and it has been crazy. I'm putting together a grant proposal for WaMu for OCA's annual Image Awards which is held every October. It's a really interesting process that I've never really done before, so I'm learning a lot from it. I also seem to be doing a lot of free-lance art work sort of stuff for another org in the building during my down time.. it's pretty fun, just letterheads and that kind of thing. Hmm.. everything else at work is going well, I'm starting to get a lot of things ready for the convention in DC (yay home!) and it's this monster of a schedule that will probably eat me alive sooner or later... o_O haha its cool though.

on another note, i met with the APADRC, Leap (scott and fatima!!!) yesturday to discuss this hate crimes coalition event (LAAPAHCC??) that will be held in the fall.. it's sorta like APC's Where Is the Love? so that is a new fun thing to be a part of; the topic is a lot more familiar to me too, as is the planning process.

oh yeah and other random fun stuff, the interns had a meeting on sunday to discuss our project, and then afterwards a bunch of us went to kirsties (sorry no soccer hann =( sad day) and watched breakfast club. interesting movie, it really makes you think... i really like hanging out with the other interns though, i'm glad we have such a fun, easy-going group; i miss not hanging out with them all the time like we did at retreat =(

oh yeah, one more thing...

Happy Birthday Hann li!!!!!

(yes i know.. what a great use of time while i'm taking my break at work... but isn't it pretty?!?!?!) .... note to self use fun colors more often in my posts....

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Week 1

Last week was a bit of a whirlwind of activities, but the retreat was well worth it. It was in a beautiful cabin up in the mountains somewhere in Lake Arrowhead. Through a combination of leadership workshops, team building activities (Acid River & Promises, Promises!!) and free play time, I got to know my fellow LIA-interns and the LIA coords. I had a really fun time and am excited about the upcoming group project! We get to explore the meaty issue of gentrification in various API communities... through food!! What better way to do it right? I'm excited to start "researching" and visiting all the different restaurants in the different ethnic enclaves.

My first day at my CBO on Friday was pretty laid back. I got the run-down on OCA-GLA and what sort of things they've done within the community recently as well as a brief overview of what I'll be working on here this summer. My boss Clara is very sweet and has a bubbly personality, so I think we will be able to get along quite well.

To be continued!!

PS I wish I had a picture from the retreat... =/ That would go here.

.:edit:.
















Thanks for the picture scott!