confused

some how, months and months later you still confuse me.

no not you... you. i'm pretty sure you have no idea what you did to me... i can barely comprehend it myself. but somewhere, deep in my heart and in my head, you dance just out of my reach, frustrating me.

やめて。。やめてください。

いつか？

TRL?!?!?!

omg TRL is over!? end of an era.

asanine is such a good word

idk why i thought about it randomly... i don't even have a comment, as in "did you hear so and so say ____? What an asanine thing to say." hahaha i just think its amusing =]

on an up note to an otherwise abysmal sort of emotional sewer, i had a really good past few days. Monday was the most amazing day at work that I've had in absolute ages (omg leftovers and a 15 minit close. AMAZING. truly.) and then i had a sleepover with karen =] and of course a day off and shopping with steph! and heartening late night conversations with friends restored my dwindling faith in my self-confidence.

i feel good right now. and i'm glad. because i have been feeling shitty. hooray!

(OH YEAH! and i got the HSM3 SOUNDTRACK!!! :3 its so cheerful and it makes me happy) the end.

Change.

It is coming, it is here. And I am ready. =]

I'm so proud to have been a part of this, so proud to have been able to express my opinion, and so proud to have been able to speak my mind. I applaud McCain for a very gracious speech, and I am so excited for what is to come.

Here's to you, Mr. President, Mr. Barrack Obama.

:D

If somebody asked you to say who you were, what would you say?

Identity and Me.

Things I Like: Friends, food, seeing family, playing taiko, dancing, having fun

Things I dislike: People who lack common sense. People who are lazy or stuck up or elitist bastards. Oh yeah, and scary movies and caterpillars.

What makes me happy? Friends, singing in the car at the top of your lungs, bright colors, seeing old friends.

What makes me angry? Ignorant people... just see dislikes.

Who am I? I am a girl. A 21 year old Chinese-American who is immersed in the Japanese-American community. I am a good friend and a leader. And also a little bit of a control freak. I am a romantic, I love Disney movies and Disneyland. I am silly.

--

This was an exercise we ran in New Staff today (courtesy of Liz!) and I really enjoyed it. We talked about core values, and my top five were (in alphabetical order) Family, Friendship, Hardwork, Loyalty and Trust. It makes me laugh when Karen and I joked how values like Peace and Tolerance got left behind things like Competence and Creativity in my rankings. We were also told to illustrate ourselves and how these top 5 values fit us and why.



Hardwork (sweatband): I am a firm believer in working hard, whether its sweating at KCH (and heaven knows I do that almost every day it seems) slaving away over homework and studying, or working to make the things I care about better. I love the feeling of satisfaction and achievement, and I love the passion that drives it.

Friendship (arms): Made for hugging, I believe that friends are always there to support you through thick and thin. To laugh with you when you have great times (like running into a screen door) or to sit with you while you cry until your heart breaks.

Family (heart): home is where the heart is... it gives me the warm and fuzzies, and i appreciate my family and all they have done for me the older i get. They love me no matter what, and always push me to do my best.

Trust (ground): The foundation to any relationship; stability. Before you achieve any other elements, you need a strong basis and something to keep you rooted and steady.

Loyalty (head): Unquestionable. Unswerving. Steadfast and consistent. Whenever somebody betrays my loyalty it cuts me so deep I can hardly bear it. Easy to gain, but twice as easy to lose.

Enjoy my drawing. =]

my inner demons

So many changes have been happening in my life recently. Its been hard adjusting, and I feel like I'm being swept away down a fast moving stream, and I can barely get a foot hold and take charge of certain aspects of my life.

I feel like I am keeping myself busy, and just relaxing and enjoying myself, but at the same time I still feel lonely. Things are changing, and that's ok, and its for the best... but I guess nothing could have ever prepared me mentally for the repercussions I would feel.

I know I'm strong, and that I'll be ok in the end, but knowing that doesn't really change the way I feel or make it any easier. It's just a difficult upward climb that I have to get through.

Midnite Snacks and Chats

I just had one of those moments; it reminded me of the time when I first heard my mother say a curse word. It was on the ride home from my Syracuse interview in Baltimore. I was so surprised just because she, unlike me, does not curse like a sailor and pepper her speech with well chosen swear words.

Tonite we had a midnite snack chat.. although it was a sort of trap more than anything else. Whenever she feels the need to impart me with pearls of wisdom (although I'll be the first to admit that she does on occasion have some very smart and sensible things to say) she gets me while we have a nibble before bed. She wanted to talk to me about my resume, and from there it evolved into a talk that was about direction in life, what do you want to do with yourself, your career.. that kind of deep probing conversation. And it was in this conversation that I realized (rather self-centeredly I suppose) that she did in fact have a life and career of her own before she had her children.


I'm glad that she is not too worried about me though, she just wants to make sure I'm happy in whatever it is that I do. While the conversation scared the shit out of me, I still feel that warm and fuzzy feeling because my mom cares enough about me to bother me and harass me about all these things so that I can succeed.

Now if I only I got to work on that resume...